Lore fragments

In the beginning there were claws. Red, sharp, and entirely unapologetic. They emerged from the woods one Tuesday—or was it a Wednesday? The chronicles disagree—and the rest, as they say, is headline. Witnesses (alleged) report a slender figure with a green face and spiky hair. No shirt. No shoes. Just claws and bad decisions.

The woods are where it all began. Gnarled trees. Mushroom markets. Pinecone oracles. And somewhere between the crab dojo and the squirrel negotiator, a legend was born. Locals speak in hushed tones of a creature who breaks all-time highs. Who reads the daily. Who smokes and thinks. The woods have a new economist. Allegedly.

NAKED CRAB MAN BREAKS ALL TIME HIGHS. The headline wrote itself. Or did it? Some say the creature wrote it. Others say the headline wrote the creature. The daily of timeling does not take sides. What we know: market goes up. Claws go up. Nobody knows why.

Every legend needs a break. Even the Naked Crab Man. Seen in the company of a certain frog, both armed with cigarettes and questionable life choices. The smoke rises. The woods wait. The headline prints tomorrow. Half goblin, half headline, fully questionable. Born in the woods. Raised by rumors. Armed with claws.