The Naked Crab Man

Local creature breaks all-time highs (allegedly)

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The Naked Crab Man in the woods

Who is he?

  • Half goblin, half headline.
  • Armed with claws and bad decisions.
  • Seen in the woods. Allegedly.
  • Verified menace.
The Naked Crab Man face
verified menace

The woods

The woods

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Naked crab man breaks all time highs

Witnesses report claws up.

Pinecone market surges

Oracle confirms. Maybe.

Squirrel seen negotiating

Editor's note: we do not endorse.

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